Here is another model answer with some advice that you can learn from. If you would like to learn more about how to write an IELTS essay, please book a writing correction class or one of my online classes.
1) The most important factor for a manager is someone who is warm and friendly to his staff. Do you agree or disagree.
There is an argument that friendliness and warmth are the most crucial aspects when considering suitability for managerial positions. While I agree that these characteristics are important, I strongly disagree that they outweigh other factors such as leadership skills and their expertise.
First and foremost, there is no doubt that the ability to lead is a key feature of managing a team. This is because teams need direction from above to complete their tasks to the best of their ability. A manager with strong leadership skills would be able to raise the level of the company and their staff. A prime example of this is Richard Branson, who is the CEO of Virgin. He inspires his team and encourages them to challenge themselves to reach new levels of achievement. What is more, he delegates responsibility and hires workers who are better at tasks than he is. If he had not established authority over his employees, he would have lost control of his company a long time ago, regardless of his amiability.
Another important factor for potential managers is to possess talent in their field. One of the ways bosses can command the respect of their workforce is to demonstrate their knowledge of their field. This can be exemplified by football managers who tend to be ex-professional players and maybe the most convincing case in point is Zinedine Zidane. In spite of his lack of coaching experience, he was able to manage Real Madrid to three consecutive Champions League titles. The players undoubtedly listened to his advice because they respected his talent and achievements. Admittedly talent alone is not enough to be a successful manager, nevertheless, it is undoubtedly of greater importance than kindness.
To sum up, despite the fact that friendliness could be beneficial for a manager, in my opinion, it is not the most influential aspect. When choosing a manager, it is imperative to consider leadership ability and aptitude above warmth and friendliness for the reasons mentioned above.
1) Whenever the question has the phrase ”the most important factor”, you should disagree. It’s harder to argue that something is the most important, than finding two other factors that could be more important.
2) Use examples from your work, country or hobbies. Richard Branson is one of the most famous British entrepreneurs and I’m a huge football fan. These examples are much more convincing than ‘recent research has suggested etc’
3) Change the form of the word to create synonyms. Warm and friendly have been changed to warmth and friendliness.
4) The sentence that begins with admittedly is a concession sentence. This allows you to acknowledge that your idea is not perfect, but it is better than the idea presented.